Sister Wives

The headache has spent the last 5 days raging, so I didn't make the trip home to see mama and daddy this weekend plus I missed out on the chance to hear some great bluegrass. However, whining about what I didn't get to to do is not the reason for this post. Since I've had the house to myself, I've been the one in control of the remote :). Last night,I watched an evening filled with Sister Wives on TLC. Needless to say, it's gotten in my head and I can't seem to let some of it go. As I watched these three women (and then later 4)work their way in a polygamist marriage, I couldn't help but think back to the old testament. I thought of Abraham,Jacob, David, Solomon etc. These men all encountered more trouble in their families from having multiple wives. We read and we see that God took their poor choices and used them for good in many cases,but it did not prevent the turmoil in the household. I was thinking about Leah and Rachel and how they bartered for a night with Jacob over some fruit. But I digress, what strikes me is the pain that you see in the eyes of these women. They've learned to love one another and accept the "lifestyle" they've chosen,but when it comes time to "share" their husband in my view there is a sadness in their eyes.
I guess I felt more of a connection with Meri in the show, we both are about the same age and she is a woman who longs for many children and yet has only one of her own. Through this marriage she has gained a houseful of children,yet my heart brakes for her. It is literally like watching Rachel deal with Jacob and his other wives. Jacob loves her "best" yet she still had to share him with three other women and deal with the fact that she only had one son. Yes, she has Benjamin but she never sees her two sons together. I can only imagine the anguish she felt as her "sister wives" continued to bear children and she was left with the longing in her heart for more.
I've watched other documentaries that deal with polygamy and one of the things they bring up is the way many Americans have multiple wives they just do it one at a time. They talk of how the way they do things is better for them and the children. They talk of the security found in having other women to depend on and the security for the children raised in the home. It all gets back to God's plan for marriage, a plan he set up from the very beginning (Gen. 2:20-24)We mess things up when we deviate from God's plan. God didn't allow Abraham and Sarah to help him provide a child through which the world would be blessed. He did not accept Hagar's son Ishmael. When God gives us a pattern, we must follow it.
The last thing I can't seem to get past is just how much fun Kody (the husband) seemed to be having. Yes, he has to deal with 4 women's raging hormones but ultimately he gets to have his cake and eat it too. Sin is fun! Let me say that one more time SIN IS FUN!! It's obvious Kody is having a good time, and all the extra "yuck" you have to deal with in a marriage, he can choose to deal with only every fourth night. I can only imagine how often one of his wives forgoes talking about something that may be bothering her because she doesn't want to spoil her night in the rotation. O.K., I'm going to end this post and move on,but ladies let's remember that God made us our husband's helpmate. He developed a plan and instructs our husbands to love us as He loves the church. Looking at it this way, when we begin looking at God's word and picking and choosing what we like and how we'll worship, then we create another "bride". But that is not how scripture reads! It speaks of THE church. One bride not many!

Special People

One of the advantages of growing up in a small congregation is how close you get to the people you worship with. They are family. I think sometimes in our rush to move through our Sunday afternoon and to get our babies home and to bed on Wednesday night, we lose sight that this is our opprotunity to catch up with our spiritual family. A time to celebrate even the small and big things that go on during the week and the opprotunity to comfort and encourage those whose week has been a tough one.
I found out this morning that one of the sweet men where I grew up passed away last night. He was blessed to have had his family around him and felt well enough earlier in the week to talk and visit with them.(After losing my sister and cousin, the day we spent together before their death is a treasure and a comfort. It was God's gift to us.) I'm prayerful this family will find comfort in those special moments, that it will draw them closer together and closer to God.
This sweet man always found a way to encourage my sweetheart. He would brag on him when he would lead singing (which as a teen was a scary thing for him). He would always give him a sweet pat on the back when we made trips home too. He gave such good hugs and wanted to know how I was. He and his sweet wife took care of the flowers for our wedding, and they made our family feel apart of theirs.
I can say that about so many families at home. It's been hard to watch that congregation slowly grow smaller and smaller.
I guess I just wanted to take the time to remember the joy of standing on the front steps after worship for 30 minutes to an hour just catching up with each other. We loved one another and we knew when someone was missing. Looking back, I wish I had made more of an effort to contact those who missed. It's a lesson to take forward and work on from this point on.
I hope and pray when my life here is ended that people will be able to remember me with fondness. To remember an encourager and a soul that empathisizes with others. I pray I'm one of those special people that hearts will ache over as my heart aches for this special family today. May God bring us comfort.

Grandparent's Day

I've been blessed to have gotten to know 3 of my great-grandparents and both sets of grandparents. Since this is a day that has been chosen to honor grandparents, I thought I'd share my favorite memory(ies) for each.
Great-Grandma Garrett is just a vague memory for me because I was so young the last time I saw her. In fact, most of what I remember is probably stories I've heard told. I know that she loved to hold and rock my cousin Matthew, but the memory I have of her is a parrot. If I remember right, his cage was beside the door and when I would come to the house the parrot would say "Go away Sam, go away". LOL,it's a funny memory to me, but I also remember feeling love and welcomed in her home. Great-Grandpa Garrett, I have many more memories of he was the town dentist for a long time and I think as a small child I have memories of going to his office in Robertsdale. Everytime we went to see him, you'd get a hug and a dollar. Oh, how that dollar would burn a whole in our pockets before we could leave :) I can remember sitting and listening to the story telling between the grown ups on those visits. Once again, the feeling of being loved and welcomed was the overriding feeling of those visits. Great-Grandpa Patterson lived in Texas and my memories of him always seem to revolve around a wing back chair. He'd sit in his chair and the grandchildren and great grandchildren would take turns visiting with him. I felt a connection with him because I knew I was supposed to be Sam Justin(that was the name mama and daddy picked out to honor both great grandfathers, and I turned out to be a Samantha Kay). But one of the things aside from remembering him as being frail is that his Bible was never to far from his side.
I loved to get up early with daddy when I was little and make the trip out to the truck stop for breakfast on Saturday mornings. I'd ussually find Grandma Dean sitting in her chair behind the counter and her sweet hugs and being pulled close are memories that still warm my heart. My favorite memory is of her putting all of us grandkids in the car (back before we had to have car seats or seatbelts) and riding down the road to just over the FL line. Shealways rode with the window down and hummed the same song as she drove. We'd get to where we were going and we'd all get a snack and a coke and head back to the truck stop. My memories of Grandpa Dean make me laugh now, but there was a time we ran to get out of his reach when we were playing(and yes that ussually meant spininng incircles on the bar stools which we knew was a major no-no). My favorite memory of him though is after I got old enough to ask my sweetheart to take me out to visit. I loved the feel of his scratchy old beard as I'd reach around his neck to give him a hug and a kiss. He liked to act all gruff but those work worn hands would reach up and grab my arms and give me a good squeeze back and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was loved. In fact,love is the overflowing memory through all these memories :)
When we'd go to visit Grandmama and Granddaddy Lyles, I can remember waiting to here the floor squeak the sliding door to her bedroom open. Grandmama would be getting up to make breakfast. I loved that time of morning with everyone else asleep but me and her. She'd let me help cut out biscuits and listen to whatever story I had to tell that morning. Grandpa Lyles was in my mind one of the most humble people I've ever met. I loved to hear him pray and can remember peeeking to watch him talk as he prayed(sometimes it would be hard to hear). I love to hear Garrett pray now because so often he reminds me of Granddaddy. But, my favorite memory of Grandpa Lyles is having a tea party with him, a babydoll, and a teddy bear. Marshmellows and tea were served and he would sit in a little bitty chair and talk and eat with me and our guests.
There are soo many more precious memories of all these sweet people that I hold close, and I'm soo thankful that God gave me the opprotunity to know each one. I'm thankful that my Samuel has such sweet grandparents. Feeling blessed and loved by the special love that comes from spending time with those who realize just how important the little moments are. May God bless you this Lord's day. Love to all..Samantha

What Does Satan Look Like?

I've had this post rolling around in my head for about 3 weeks now and couldn't quite figure out just how I wanted to tackle it. So here goes and I pray that in the midst of my run-on sentences we both can take something from this that will help us in our daily battle.
Wouldn't it be great if every time the devil tried to interfere in our life we would get that clear picture presented by the cartoons:Red costume, horns and a pitch fork. Or even a flashing sign that just says warning would be nice. But that's not how he presents himself in our lives. Sometimes he's that really good looking guy in the magazine ad,or the beautiful buxom blond selling dish washing liquid. Those are still pretty easy to read into,but what about the ones that aren't so easy. The really sweet guy/girl in class whose willing to help with homework and invites you to a party that sounds like a lot of fun. In my case, it was the sweetest guy who poured himself into the tightest jeans ever(before spandex)and "rescued" me from a house full of little sisters and a brother. My sweetheart is by no means the devil but (the devil) would find us when instead of going straight home from the movies we'd find a spot to park and fog up the windows.
As we get older and Lord willing our faith becomes stronger, the deception Satan uses gets trickier. Do we lay every bad thing that happens to us at the feet of God and question why we have to suffer. Somewhere along the line it was Satan that brought suffering. I have spent too much of the last 11 years laying the blame and anger over my headache at the feet of God and not Satan.
Do I recognize that the pain sky rockets on Sunday and Wednesday when I want to go to worship. Do I recognize that I allow him to allow myself to say it's OK not to do "x" I'm not good enough anyway.
So what does Satan look like? Pain,fun,love,an excuse, or maybe time spent doing things that we have no business doing. We know that he moves to and fro seeking those he can devour. So let's put our armor on Eph.6:10-20, and go out and fight the enemy realizing he won't always be easy to spot and many times we may see an easier way to deal with our problems just to see we're buried even deeper in the mess. So, Let's get out our swords of the Spirit and our shield of faith and fight the deceiver and let's recognize it's not a battle we fight alone but one that if we continue to fight we know we will win!

Mama, Daddy, and My Sweetheart

Well it's been forever since I've taken the time to write. I totally intended to have a special post for both Mother's Day and Father's Day, but once again the battle with chronic pain has slowed me way down. Where we come from can be a blessing, a crutch, or an excuse for our behavior. I have to say my past and present are filled with three very special people who continually help to shape my life.
Mama and Daddy...two words that just in the saying of them hold so much love and emotion that I could stop there and feel like I've said it all. Mama has to be one of the most patient and Godly women I've ever known. She's raised four faithful children, taught us how to pray and see God in both the little and big things, not to mention her creativity in keeping three very busy sets of hands occupied while also dealing with an infant. Contests were held and (as I remember) encouraged to see who could stand on their head the longest in the corner, who could jump up and down the longest, who could jump rope the longest,ect. Mama seemed to always be able to find a way to keep us busy;and bless her heart, when we found ways to keep ourselves busy (many wonderful adventures that led to trouble :) )she got her switch out and used it. We are who we are today because of her love for us and our friends. Mama always seemed to love whoever we loved. I'm so thankful for that, we could bring friends home and she loved them just as she loved us.
Daddy spent a lot of my childhood on the road,but always found a way to celebrate the special things that he missed when he got home. Special trips for icecream or a special date just with him to a nice "grown up" restraunt, not to mention trips to get coffee and the opprotunity to plan out your future on a Waffle House napkin. He rarely gives himself enough credit in his walk with Christ and the example he put before us. He struggles, as we all do, with his own set of temptations, but watching him struggle and continue to try has been a lesson all in itself. Daddy has never tried to present himself as perfect and for that reason I have seen that the Christian walk is not an easy one but one that is begun anew each day. There's comfort in seeing him with his open Bible on the arm of his chair, to listen of him talk of King David, and his encouragement to my baby to study the Proverbs to find wisdom. I am blessed!
God sent me my sweetheart the summer I turned 14. He's joked over the years that if you want a good wife, you raise her the way you want her. Well, I can't say I've always been the most cooperative student, but I do know that we've grown up in the Lord together. We faught all the temptations that all teens fight when your dating and IN LOVE. We helped each other overcome the heartaches and disappointments that come with growing up, and his steady as you go attitude has often been my anchor in the storms of life. His encouragement to hang in there and to find the answers both spiritually and physically have been amongst God's greatest gifts. I could also spend forever talking about the wonderful daddy he is. His tender heart, yet firm voice tell my baby how much he's loved and just as much how he is expected to behave.
I have been blessed with Mama, Daddy and a husband who in their own ways have shown me the love of my heavenly father. I never doubted God loves me. I've always been surrounded by love. What an important job we have as parents! We are our children's first look at the love of God!
There's so much more I could say about all three of these special people. Their example as we moved through the loss of my sister and cousin is still a wonder. There is no fear in death, but a deep desire for heaven. Each one of them has played such a special part in that! As we live with the sorrow of our personal loss, because of the influence of Mama, Daddy, and my sweetheart; I continue living this life with a joy that is eternal and a hope that is everlasting. Truly I am blessed!!

Sticks and Stones

You know the old saying "Sticks and Stones may break my bones,BUT words will never hurt me". It's a saying that as we get older we realize that though the first part is true,the second half of that statement is as false as false can be. It's something we've worked very hard to teach our little man...O be careful little mouth what you say, for the Father up above is looking down with love so be careful little mouth what you say. By no means is this a lesson we have finished teaching him (or ourselves for that matter) but he does have a tender heart and for the most part tries not to hurt the feelings of others. But I'm rambling,I felt the need to write this morning because I now know that when someone says something ugly to your child it hurts them but it also hurts you.

Last night someone hurt my baby's feelings,calling him names. My sweet boy has the beautiful Asian eyes and hair of his birth mother. The very first time I saw him, I looked into his sweet brown eyes and fell hopelessly in love. A night that had been full of fun and music, with a few cruel words changed all that fun to sadness. I know that part of growing up is successfully learning how to deal with the ugliness of this world while still being apart of the good that God intends for us to share. But I have to say, we all sat and cried last night. Words do hurt!! I must be aware that the things I say and the attitudes I have teach my son! I must make sure that I make a clear difference in not liking the actions of people and NOT disliking the person. Children notice differences in one another, but attitudes are taught. This applies across the board whether it's size,shape,color, finical status, or those with special abilities. What I say..or don't say teaches my son how I view the world. I can teach that attitudes are wrong, yet love the person who had them. Christ showed his love for the Samaritan woman, the rich young ruler, the tax collector, and the lepers etc. of his day. He taught strongly against sin, but loved the sinner. I have to make sure that this is what I teach my sweet boy. (I don't succeed at it always,in fact, I told him anyone who calls him names is stupid. I should have said the words are stupid and uncaring. Words hurt!...and I now know words said to our children hurt mommies just as much as they hurt our little ones)

So...Be careful little mouth what you say,, for the Father up above is looking down with love,so be careful little mouth what you say!!

Just thinking

I have way to much time to spend inside my head,and for those closest to me that can be something that is a little scary. With the time spent at home because to often getting out with my boys as often as I want would cause more pain issues down the road. So, I sit at home and do the the unthinkable and think. The last 2 months have been rough ones,but especially the last 3 weeks. What a blessing it is to have friends, magazine articles, songs, and most importantly God's word that God uses at just the right time to help me get over the "yuck" the devil provides with the why and dealing with pain. Truly we serve an awesome God!

The waiting gets old in a hurry! Waiting for results from tests, waiting for times when the pain will ease off and give me enough of a break to be able to feel some what normal, and the waiting for my boys to get home so that I'm not alone with just the thoughts in my head.

I feel like this is a whining session, and I do hate to do that. But I did say up front that this would be a therapeutic tool for me too. So if you're looking for a Pollyanna attitude this morning, stop reading now and know I understand and love ya anyway.

One of the things I've come to terms with lately (or I'm trying to come to terms with) is that I'm not in control. Let me say that again,I'M NOT IN CONTROL! God is! I've spent so much time in prayer and know that friends and family spend time in prayer for me, yet the headache is still an unwelcome member of our family. There have been those over the last 11 years who have believed and alluded to that this is just all in my head (and it is but not the way they think). There have been those who have believed that it is my way of seeking attention (and it's not). But getting back to my not being in control, I've had/have to accept that though I believe that God is all powerful, all knowing, and all loving... it doesn't change the fact that there is pain and suffering and death in this old world. The hard part is not placing the blame for those things at the feet of God while knowing that if He chose to He could change it. I must admit to placing the blame in the wrong place at times, and while in the midst of prayer confessing that I believe that God take this headache now and knowing in full faith that it is within His power to do so...want to know the why for what we've gone through. I know that all pain and suffering are works of the devil and brought into this world by sin. It may or may not be my own sin that causes the pain and loss experienced over the years, but sin is it's root cause. It is not the cause of my Heavenly Father but of the devil who walks to and fro on this earth like a roaring lion seeking those whom he may devour. I must realize that it is not a lack of faith (and yes, there are times when I'm not on track or I allow myself to doubt my own faith) but it could very well be the strength of my faith that brings the troubles and trials into my life.

If the devil has me, then he wouldn't need to work so hard to get me. Now that sounds vain and puffed up, but I promise there is no vanity there. It is a battle, a war that it fought sometimes from moment to moment. I've come to notice over the years that my highest pain days tend to be Sunday and Wednesday, or when I soo want to get out and do something "good". I know we can't say the devil made me do it, and that with every temptation we are provided a way of escape. Well sometimes that escape is harder to find than others! I have three days out of a week that I'm "allowed" something to take for the pain on top of my preventatives. I pick Sunday and Wednesday as two of those days. Do I always when the battle with the increase in pain, no but I'm striving to win the war. Pray with me that I win the war. At the onset of the headache, I had a doctor who would give me pain meds for every day of the week. Withdrawal is as close to hell as I ever want to come, it's an awful experience. If hell is even close to that (and I know it will be worse), I have only a desire for heaven!

Well, I've definitely spent more than my allotted time on the computer today, and more than enough time bending your ears. One of the things I meant to emphasize when I sat down here this morning is how God sends us help through the waiting if we will only keep our eyes and ears open. This week He sent me my mama and daddy, Christian Women magazine loaded full of articles dealing with waiting,pain,and comfort. He also has sent me sweet FB friends with posts of encouragement, laughter, and love. He's given me my two boys, who strengthen me and allow me to feel needed when at times I feel very isolated. He's also sent me some time with a friend spent in the sunshine. So beyond a doubt, I can say what the Psalmists and many writers of the Old Testament said, God is good, His love endures forever!