Dear Son...I'm Praying for Your Future

Dear Son,

I know that right now you are more interested in playing with friends and food than anything else. But before I blink you’ll be driving, dating, and be in college. I've been praying for you and your future wife since you were a week old, and I want you to know that I will love the girl you bring home as wife. It is my prayer that she’s being raised by parents who love God above all else and that they are teaching her the value of purity just like Daddy and I are trying to teach you. You've already made the most important decision of your life by choosing to put on our Lord in baptism. I’m so pleased with what I see in your heart…your love for God and others makes me strive to live the way I’m supposed to. Your tender heart is beautiful and your ability to put smiles on my face and that of others is a wonderful gift. I love you but before you get much older, I thought it might interest you to know what’s in my heart.

The choices you make now will affect your entire life. Your choices of friends and the girls you give a piece of your heart to even now can determine whether or not you reach your goal of heaven. Please be careful with that tender heart, it will be broken at some point for that is the nature of this world. Prov 22:24-25 Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul. We laugh together when I warn you that girls are nothing but trouble. We both know how much fun you can have when you’re getting into trouble, so be careful. 2 Cor 6:13-14 Now in return for the same I speak as to children, you also be open. Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? Remember you marry who you date, and you date those you choose to spend time with. God wants wonderful things for you and his plans for you are beautiful, so do your part and think before you act.
Pro 19:20-23 Listen to counsel and receive instruction, That you may be wise in your latter days.
There are many plans in a man's heart, Nevertheless the LORD's counsel--that will stand.
What is desired in a man is kindness, And a poor man is better than a liar.
The fear of the LORD [leads] to life, And [he who has it] will abide in satisfaction; He will not be visited with evil

I can only imagine that when you read this, the thought will cross your mind, “Yeah, like you have room to talk, Mama!” But it’s because I fell in love with Daddy when I was 14 that I do have room to talk for change. Go places where you will meet girls who will value your relationship with God. Look at their hearts and not only their pretty faces. Can you see the love of Christ shining in her? Does she care for others? How does she talk to her friends? Does she talk about the power of prayer and is she willing to stand up and share her love for the gospel with others? I see you already doing these things and I’m so proud of you! I’m praying you will find someone who will encourage you to do the work of the Father, that she will help you walk the straight and narrow.

I’m not naïve enough to think that temptation won’t ever come your way, because Daddy and I know just how hard it is to remain pure. I’m praying you date girls who you can enjoy being with but not have to fight lust and Satan the whole time you’re out.

Please before you give your heart away, visit with the young lady’s parents. Listen to how she talks to her parents, how they talk to her, and how they talk to each other. Your Daddy has been working to raise you to be a gentleman who stands up for what is right and good, and who places women in a place of honor. I can remember when Daddy would hold and rock you and tell you that he was going to raise you to be a loving, spiritual leader in your home if it killed the two of you. Be kind and gentle, yet firm. Lead without stepping on the girls you date, speak up when it’s right, and remain silent when you should. Walk the girl to the door, don’t sit out in the car or spend too long saying goodnight (trust me it’ll make your Christian walk easier…Daddy and I learned that lesson the hard way). If you’ll bring her home to visit, I promise not to tell the embarrassing stories or bring out the photo albums. I pray that I treat every girl you date with love and respect, and that even after you break up with her or she with you that I’ll not say anything bad about her…you just never know, you might fall for her again. (Read Eph. 5:22-6:5)

I pray that you choose a girl who encourages you to call me and Daddy. I pray that she will ask you to spend time with us and her together. Ask her the hard questions early. Remember that she will help determine if you enjoy time spent with family and friends. Know that you can’t change her anymore than she can change you. Make a list of pros and cons before you ask her to marry you. When you look at that list, pay close attention to the cons. Will you be able to spend a lifetime happily with her in spite of those things? Remember that once your married, you’ll both relax and say and do things that will hurt the other, and the cons list will be the arsenal she’ll pull from when you fight. (By the way, at some point I’ll encourage her to make a similar list and make the same choices.)

Remember when you marry her…you marry her family. Can you live with them and they with you? Does she ask you to pray for her? Do you study God’s word together? Do you talk about what heaven will be like and dream about it together? Above all, do you want to spend eternity with her and she with you? Is God the most important being in both your lives? Are you working together to serve the Father?

I know all of this doesn’t make sense today, but it will before I can blink. I’m praying for you and me. I’m praying you will be the husband God wants you to be and that I’ll be the mother-in-law He wants me to be. I’m praying you will find someone who you can open the secret parts of your heart with and she with you. Finally, I’m praying that the commitment you make is not done because you feel like you have to, but because you can’t imagine your life spent with anyone else. Remember two wrongs never make a right and that love is a decision you make not a feeling that comes and goes. I’m praying divorce is a word that you as a couple will remove from your vocabulary, and that you have awesome sex life in your marriage, the way God intends. Remember she can’t read your mind any more that you can read her‘s, so you must talk to each other. I pray that you remember that she needs to hear you say, “I love you”, “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world!”, and she needs your hugs. I pray that she knows her respect for you is the biggest “I love you and hug” she can give you, that she only says good things about you, and that she’ll know that love does not keep a record of wrongs.

OK, so I’ll close. I know that you’re used to me talking too much, but I just wanted you to know I love you and I want only God’s best plan for you…and that you will keep your heart open to His desire for your life.

Love you,
Mama

Marriage Lessons From Duck Dynasty

O.K., I admit it, I’m a huge Duck Dynasty fan. I actually watched the first episode when it started and was hooked from the beginning. I absolutely love that I can allow my little man to stay up and watch it and not have to worry about ugly words or crude humor. My sweetheart may not be the biggest fan, but he enjoys watching me and little man laugh and laugh at the antics of the bearded Robertsons and their wives.
But I really wanted to concentrate on what I’ve learned from watching Phil and Miss Kay about marriage. I love the twinkle they both have in their eyes when they talk to each.
1) When you put God first everything else falls into place. This couple shows us every week that God is number one. They pray and they place value on knowing the Bible.
2) They find ways to make each other happy, happy, happy. Miss Kay’s going to cook Phil’s favorite dishes (he’s gonna brag on her cookin’). Phil gets out and works the land and keeps it beaver free. They find ways to say, I love you, even in the little things.
3) They spend time together as a couple and as a family. One of my favorite episodes is when Phil and Miss Kay go out in the boat log hunting. After 50 years of marriage, she can still say she just loves being with him. He’s figured out that she just wants him to listen to all her remember whens, and his yep, yeah, and yes works just fine for her. I love watching how they both have their own “domain” and they respect each other’s space.
4) They back one another up. In an episode where Jase borrowed his daddy’s boat to go craw fishing, Miss Kay came out to check if he’d asked his daddy. I loved it. Here he is a grown man and Miss Kay is still making sure her boys are following the rules. I also loved that when the boys sank the boat, they didn’t look forward to coming home and telling either one of them about it.
5) Keep the romance and the spice in your marriage. When Uncle Si and the girls made her the apron I loved the two thumbs up Phil gave it and the flirting going back and forth. In a successful marriage, flirting and courting need to go on for a lifetime.
I love finding a reality show that makes me laugh and laugh with no foul language (except of course for the fowl language that comes with making duck calls) and promotes strong family values. They are helping us to remember what the wise man Solomon said:
Pro 5:15 Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well.
:16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you.
:18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
:19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.

The Perfect Marriage

The topic of conversation I hear being talked about/chatted about the most is marriage. How do you get him to do what you want? Does he ever figure out that when I’m talking about the problems in my day, I just may not want to hear his solution? Why can’t he put his dirty socks in the clothes hamper? Does he not know how to carry his dirty dishes and trash to the kitchen himself? I’m sure I’m leaving some out, and I bet you can tell that some of the above questions are ones I’ve asked myself over the years. Well guess what ladies, I hate to tell you this but….there is no perfect man living on this earth now who is going to do everything we think we want him to do. Guess what? It’s okay, because I’m not perfect either and neither are you; somewhere along the way we all fall short.
In fact, I bet my sweetheart could produce a list of why questions too. Why does she have to wait for at least three loads of clothes to pile up before doing laundry? Why not fold those clothes as soon as they come out of the dryer? Why can’t a good, hot supper be ready to eat and on the table when I get home? Why can’t she give me at least 20 minutes of peace before talking my ear off. Do you see how it goes? Neither one of us is perfect, in fact, if we’re honest with ourselves, we’re going to fail a lot. Rom 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, So, what do we do and how do we go about fixing it the way God wants us to?
The first thing we must remember is we did not marry our sweetheart to change him. If you did, then you need to decide right now that you are going to be content with the decision you made and be happy. 1Ti 6:11-12 But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. A very wise man once told me to put my claws away and pour on the honey. If there is something that you see that needs to change in your husbands life, then pray about it and above all DO NOT nag him. The fastest way to turn him off is to nag. If you read through Proverbs, Solomon mentions that a nagging wife is like a dripping faucet and that it is better to dwell on the housetop than inside with a contentious woman. The only time a woman can change a man is when he’s in diapers. Any other time, it’s his decision to make.
The blessing that comes with the above is the promise given in scripture. 1Pe 3:1-2 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. I don’t believe this scripture is referring to fearing your husband, but the reverent fear we are to have for God. If you go about your business with joy in your heart, then you without ever having to nag your sweetheart can help him to see that he wants more for himself. It maybe that you ask someone you know he respects greatly to talk with him, but if you do this decide that you don’t have to know what was said. So many of the difficulties that come with the first several years of marriage have everything to do with insecurity and jealousy. Ladies, we have to realize that God made men visual creatures and with the way this world works, its not an easy place for them. (This does not excuse sin but it is something we must be aware of and ready to take into account.) If your sweetheart becomes a little more possessive during those first years of marriage, realize that he loves you and he may be wondering why you chose him and if you are working outside the home or in school he may be dealing with some fear that you will find someone you like better.
It is extremely important for you to build his ego, but not do so flippantly. When you offer a compliment make sure that it is sincere and comes from the heart. If you constantly handout meaningless compliments, he will not know when you really appreciate something he has done. That being said, you can find something to thank him for and show your appreciation for everyday. We all like to receive compliments and behavior that receives a compliment will be repeated. If you’re wise you’ll learn this early on and maybe just maybe it won’t take as long to settle into a nice healthy routine.
Are you ready for this one?…Your husband is no more a mind reader than you are. I know it’s hard to believe. I mean when you read all those romance novels somehow that fella just automatically knows just what to say and do to make everything just right at anytime. This covers everything from how you cook meals and fold clothes to just what turns you on in the bedroom. He can’t read your mind anymore than you can read his. 1Pe 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. This can be very hard when you’ve been raised in a home where such matters were spoken of in whispers and behind closed doors. However, if you want to fully enjoy the marital relationship as God intends then you’ve got to find a way to communicate. If you can’t bring yourself to talk out loud, then right him a letter. It may be that you have to say let me show you and vice versa. My sweetheart and I have been married for 23 years now and we are more comfortable with each other now than we have ever been. The biggest reason is we have finally come to the realization that we must tell each other what we like. From sitting on the couch holding hands to what goes on in our bedroom behind closed doors.
One of the most precious memories, I have of our wedding night was our praying for God to help us figure out the process without hurting one another. There are no words to explain how special that moment was, and how thankful I was that we hadn’t totally blown all our innonce in the back of his car while we were dating. You are going to make mistakes, you’re human and that’s life. The big deal is to take the “D” word out of your vocabulary. If you don’t give yourself the option to quit, then you can tie a knot and hang on during the rough times.
My final piece of advice is loving someone will hurt. You can’t open your heart and soul up to another person and not get hurt. Once again, we must remember that none of us are perfect. I have made just as many if not more mistakes as my sweetheart. Even when your heart is torn open and bleeding, take the time to ask questions. Don’t assume the worst and be ready to forgive if it’s at all possible. Mat 5:32 "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. The only time you can divorce and remarry with God’s blessing is when your spouse has committed adultery. Many couples have been able to stay together after one has committed adultery. Trust can be a hard thing to win back but when forgiveness is offered and the love is there then much good can still come from the relationship for each other and for God.
I guess the biggest reason for writing this blog, is I’ve watched many couples who I never thought would separate end their marriages. Many times the reason they’ve given is we just don’t love each other any more. Well, I have to say that answer bothers me a lot! Love isn’t some passing emotion that just happens, it’s a decision that you make every day. You decide, “I’m going to love him today.” Guess what, you’re going to have days and maybe even weeks when you really don’t like him…and he will have times that he can say the same of you. But you MUST decide that no matter what happens today, I will love him, because I chose him and I promised God I’d love him for a lifetime. All those sweet, melty feelings they hang around. I absolutely love the silver that is coming in my sweethearts hair and his eyes…well if you’ve read my blogs you know they still give me butterflies…and we won’t even talk about how good he looks in a pair of jeans with his fiddle in his hand. See 23 years in and all those things still get me going, and the amazing thing is even with the weight and all the changes from the meds and the headache my sweetheart still only wants me too. So life is good. No, we don’t have the perfect marriage, but it’s one I’m thankful for and wouldn’t want to do without.
In the morning, Lord willing, we’ll sit together at church and we’ll focus our minds on the perfect marriage of Christ and the Church. We’ll remember the sacrifices he made for it and the home He’s preparing for her. In fact, we’re anxiously awaiting his return, when He calls his Bride to Him.
Eph 5:23-29 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

May you have a blessed Lord’s day, and may we remember that only one perfect man walked this earth and He is now reigning in Heaven with the Father. May we strive to be the best Christian wives we can be, and may we search out the positive in our husbands and our children and encourage them to live a life of joy in the kingdom.

How We Greive As a Couple

**This blog gives some background on how my sweetheart and I have dealt with the different types of losses we've dealt with during our marriage with a special emphasis on the loss of my sister and cousin along with the "Samantha" before the headache.**

Over the last 23 years, my sweetheart and I have had lots of ups and downs. We chose to do things the hard way. We got married 6 days after I turned 18. We left from our honeymoon with a phone number of a couple we’d never seen or talked to before with hopes of a place to stay, but my love knew that at the end of the week, we’d at least have the first month’s rent for a home that we had yet to find. We were young, in love, and determined to prove we could leave home and survive. These are good memories now and we learned to depend on God and each other along with the love of other sweet brothers and sisters who had walked similar paths.
The learning to depend on each other has been vital to our survival. (Mat 19:4-6 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' "and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.") Only putting God before each has been more important. Financial struggles have always been apart of our lives. We are “used” to those. It’s but so long as you are healthy and you know that you can use some talent God has given you to stretch things just a little further then you’re good to go. But what happens when all of a sudden your sweetheart, your knight, at the age of 27 begins to deal with heart attack like symptoms, and he can’t get a full breath. You sit in the ER and in doctor’s office after doctor’s office, tests are ordered and run and yet…there’s no real answer.
So you watch your knight, the man with an iron will come face to face with his mortality. You begin to wonder why us? You want to help and fix it, but there’s nothing to do but pray. Oh, how very powerful prayer is, yet there are times when it can make you feel helpless. Especially when you’re 24 and your faith is still young. So you become angry, and he pulls away…and you sit in the back of the building on singing night alone and cry. (Psalms56:8 You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?) Thank you God for sending your servants to help us in times of turmoil. One of the ladies sat beside me and asked about my sweetheart, and she said she’d pray for us. I know she did and others too because my sweetheart made a full recovery…not even the heart specialist now at the age of 44 can hear the slosh of the mitral valve that was a small part of what he dealt with. (James 5:16 Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.)
From there we went on to deal with a major health crisis for me and a financial setback. It was as if God was giving us a training ground for the really hard days ahead. We did better this time, we asked others to pray with and for us. We talked more about how each felt. Maybe it was easier because we’ve learned that when my sweetheart grieves he needs to be busy. So he stayed busy taking care of me. We also learned the value of relaxation exercises and meditation. Once again, we were very blessed and I made a complete recovery. I missed a semester of teaching, yet God placed me in a school in the county we lived in and though the first year I moved from room to room, I had a job.
It was January of ’98 when we got “the” call in the middle of the night. It was the one, where my sweetheart said, your mom said we need to come home and I don’t know what happened but it’s bad and we need to go. So we threw on some clothes, put a few things in a bag and headed from Millbrook to BayMinette. When we reached Evergreen, we called the house and got Daddy and the news that my sister and cousin had been killed by drunk driver on their way home from Mobile. We made phone calls to people at church, so they would know where we were and then the shock began to wear off and we cried and cried and cried. My love pulled over until he could see to drive and we made it home. No parent should have to deal with what mama and daddy did, it’s my prayer that you never have to hold your mama and daddy as they weep the loss of one of their babies, to never hear them say, I’m sorry, as you hold them. Praise God, for the strength He gives us as we mourn the loss of those taken from us; without it we would fall.(Psa 86:15-16 But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth. Oh, turn to me, and have mercy on me! Give Your strength to Your servant, And save the son of Your maidservant)
After that, it seemed to get easier, we got busy taking care of mama and daddy. My sweetheart stayed with daddy every step of the way that he wasn’t with mama, and I stayed with mama or delegated out directions to my brother and baby sister. Looking back, I was probably too bossy, but I was determined that no one was going to say or do anything harder for her. There were some rough times during those days, but we took care of people. We’ve found that’s one of the ways we deal with grief as a couple.
If you’ll bear with me I’m going to fast forward some. Our weekends were spent in Bay Minette. This allowed Daddy to work his weekend job without Mama being home by herself, and my sweetheart was remodeling Mama’s kitchen. It was almost like we had moved back home, we were very busy. The “baby” graduated from high school, my brother got married, and we bought a house.
After that came the 24/7 migraine that I’m still dealing with everyday. Yes, there’s grief that comes for the Samantha that used to be. The things I was able to do, plans made, foods eaten, and activities enjoyed. We also had to come to terms with the fact that we would not have any biological children of our own. We had always planned for a large family with 2 or 3 biological children and then many more adopted and foster children. We had even sketched the house and the bedrooms with the built-in study nooks and game room. We grieved the loss of the dream. This time, we went about it differently. My sweetheart became very involved in his martial arts, his music, and some cycling. I dealt with the pain, school, and became very fixated on beginning the paperwork process for adoption. It was time and I felt it was an urgent to begin. I also began going to visit the sick and shut-ins with a friend from church one night a week. So once again, we got busy…we just didn’t always see a lot of one another.
Grief is something that everyone deals with differently. There is no right or wrong way and there is no specified period of time that is either too short or too long. We can know our heavenly Father cares and that it does not bring Him joy when we grieve. 2Ki 20:5 "Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, 'Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: "I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the LORD." I do have some recommendations I’d like to make. (Disclaimer: I am just an ordinary person without a degree in counseling. I believe that counseling is good and if you find yourself in a place that you need help with then see a counselor that is a member of the church, so you will be guided by Biblical principles.)
1) Find someone who will sit and listen, hold you, or your hand when grief begins to feel like an ocean wave that will pull you under. Just like the child at the beach, the parent’s hand will bring them to safety. So can having someone else willing to just be there as you mourn and weep, it will give you the comfort and ability to deal with the emotions that are too scary to deal with alone. Just knowing that someone is there and willing to help you hold on can allow you to let go and deal with the emotions that you feel would drown you alone.
2) Find things that make you laugh. Find a friend and share corny jokes with them. Find music that brightens your day and listen to it.Pro 17:22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.
3) It’s o.k. to deal with your grief a little bit at a time. Take out a small memory deal with that and then be ready to move on.
4) Above all, spend time in prayer and study. The devil loves to get us when we are weak. He will take advantage of any opportunity to bring us down. 1Pe 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. When you can’t pray for yourself, ask someone else too. There are times when our hearts are so full of grief (and sometimes anger) that we just don’t feel that we can pray for ourselves. When you feel that way, ask someone to pray for you. Jam 5:16 Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
I deal with my grief on a daily basis. Some days, it’s the grief that comes from the restrictions placed on my life by the headache. Some days, it’s the missing of my sister and cousin and the fun we had growing up. The sitting around sharing the stories of do you remember when we…, There are many “adventures” the three of went on as children that no one remembers but me now, and that’s hard. Some days, it’s the grief we have as a family that we would have liked to have had siblings for my sweet boy so he would have stories to tell. But above all, I know that no matter what happens this life is temporary and the place to which we are going is so much better that I can be homesick for a place I’ve never seen. Our God is good and He wants good things for His children. We just have to be patient and follow His lead.

Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Marriage and Mary and Martha

“Whose that old fella you’ve got hanging around with you?” It’s a question some of the sweet older gentleman at church ask me. I know what my response is supposed to be…in fact I know what it used to be. “Just some old fella I picked up on the side of the road and decided to keep around.” Well, I’ve decided to change that up some because would I want my sweetheart to answer the question that way?! No! In fact, my feelings would get hurt.
It’s so easy for us to get caught up in the negative. James3:17-18 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. The young girl, my sweetheart dated would not have said anything negative about the love of her life, let alone allow someone else to. What changes when we get married and have that ring on our finger? Why do we feel like we no longer have to work to please the sweet man who makes us swoon? (smile, wink) Do you remember that first year of marriage, when if dinner didn’t turn out just right you would sit down and cry; and bless his heart, he would try to eat whatever it was you fixed because he couldn’t stand the tears.
The gentleness and the mercy were hard at work back then. What about those dirty socks that would be piled up beside his chair or the empty glasses that never made it back to the kitchen? Did you happily carry those to the proper place and be thankful that you were the wife and keeper at home. Do those same things irritate you now? I have to be honest there are days it does; and love his heart, he’ll come home from work to a foul tempered wife and have no idea what happened between when he left for work and when he got home. So I’m sowing seeds of discontent instead of peace and the fruit I’ll reap won’t be peace.
I’m going to say something that some of you may not agree with, but it’s not your sweetheart’s job to make you happy. His God given job is to love you. Colosians3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Ephesians5:28-29 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. Happiness and contentment are a state of mind. You can have the most attentive husband, the nicest house, the perfect children, and the newest car and still not be happy. Choose your friends wisely. If your girlfriends complain about their husbands, it’ll be easy to follow the crowd. Decide that the only person you can change in your marriage is yourself, and quit trying to change your sweetheart. Remember that you can catch more flies with honey, put your claws away and heap on the sugar.
The best piece of advice on marriage, I received from my Grandmama on my wedding day…”Love doesn’t just happen, it’s a decision you make every morning when you get up.”Titus2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. There will be times in your marriage when you may not like your husband, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to pack up and leave. It means, it’s time to get busy working on what needs to be fixed. Do you feel like you don’t know him anymore? By the time he walks in from work are you so tired that you want to dump the problems of the day in his lap…and then wonder why he spends more time at the gym, track, hobby, or work? (This is the one I struggle with. I’m blessed with the fact that my sweetheart gets to come home for lunch. I noticed he started cutting his lunch short. I needed to make that time at home more pleasant.) Proverbs 21:9 Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. We know what pleases our sweethearts and what doesn’t. (O.K., sweet ladies, I hear you, I’m doing all the work and my husband doesn’t even try, so I don’t think I should have to try anymore. Sorry, wrong, you choose to marry this fella and so long as you stay married to him you are commanded to love him…not lust, but agape love. The kind of love Christ has for us, the kind that put the sinless son of God on the cross as the sacrifice for our sins.) So, Let’s decide to be happy and content. I’m not going to compare my marriage, family, home, etc. with anything but the Bible. If I do that then, I’ll have more than enough to keep me busy working on changing me.
God made our husbands sensual creatures, and I know that when we have newborns, toddlers, teenagers with schedules that don’t seem to ever quit, and in my case chronic pain sex is very often the last thing on my mind. Trust me, even when your sweetheart is tired, it’s on his mind. If you have small children a scheduled bedtime is important because that’s mama and daddy time (be careful not to use this time to plug into FB) even if you’re too tired to do anything but sit on the couch and hold hands that touch is important. Wear clothes you know he likes, even when they may not be the most comfortable “mommy clothes”. Find small ways to touch him intimately during the day. You’ll find that this will help you warm up and be ready for intimacy.
Finally, the hardest thing of all is choosing between several good things. I love the story of Mary and Martha, because I’m a Martha. I find myself getting caught up in the details. Luke 10:40-42 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me." And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. "But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her." It’s so easy for us to get caught up with the projects at home, at church, in the community, and with school. In and of themselves none of these are wrong, but are we allowing ourselves to become worried and troubled in the process. Do we get so busy with wanting things to be just right at home and school that we lose sight of why it’s important to us to begin with? Is our work in the community pulling us away from our family so that they don’t see us? Do we get so busy caring for the souls of other families that we’re not sure where the souls of our family members stand? We must be careful not to use our children as an excuse not to go to the nursing home, gospel meetings, or Bible studies; however, we must be certain that we are caring for those souls that God has given us direct care of in our home.

So now do you want to know how I’ve changed my answer to the question at the beginning of the article? I pull my sweetheart back over, and I say, “Insert Name, Look into those eyes, don’t you see the ocean when you look into his beautiful eyes! Every time I look into those eyes, I fall in love all over again!” Guess what ladies, it’s true. It gets better and better. My sweetheart still opens my door for me everywhere, we hold hands whenever possible, and at the end of the day while we watch T.V. he puts his head in my lap and I play with his hair or rub his back. I love this man, we’ve had some rough times and I’m sure there will be more…that’s life…but you decide that no matter what you don’t have an out. The “D” word is not in your vocabulary. The best part about the rough patches is you come out stronger and more in love on the other side….if you decide to. May God help us to be the wives He wants us to be, and may we bring Him glory in all we do.

A Letter to My Future Daughter In Law

This is a blog I've had written for almost 2 weeks on paper, but with the crazziness of the end of school and the special plans surrounding Mother's Day and Gotcha Day...I'm only just getting this typed up. I'll have more to come next week about Mother's Day and Gotcha Day celebrations this year. Right now, it's all so close to my heart it's just hard to share.


Our family has had some pretty big birthday's this year, and they are all reminding me that before I can even blink my precious boy will be driving, then graduating from high school, and then college, and Marriage. OK, so I'm getting a head of myself, but he does turn 10 this October, and I know that my time with him is limited. So I thought I would share with you some of what goes on in my head when the headache doesn't allow me to sleep.


To My Future Daughter-in-Law,


This has been my favorite time of year with Mother’s Day and Gotcha Day so close together. I’ve been praying for you since Samuel came home from the hospital with us, and for your parents too!


My prayer has been and will continue to be that you are being raised in a home where God comes first, that you’re learning about God’s plan for marriage by watching your mama and daddy, and that you have a love for others and doing what’s right. We’re working hard to raise a Godly gentleman. A man who stands strong in his convictions, yet has a tender heart easily touched by the needs of others, along with the desire to serve God in all things.


He’s a perfectionist and stubborn (just like his daddy). Those are traits that will make you proud at times and crazy at others. Lord willing, you will have a husband who will open your doors, hold your hand, and above all lead your family to heaven.


At the time of this writing, your future husband is an only child. As a family, we have longed to have it grow and you just may be the answer to that prayer. I know there is no one like mama, but I hope to call you daughter. You see, I’ve been praying for me too. It’s my prayer, you’ll look forward to seeing me, that God will give me the words to encourage and not to tear down. I hope that when something’s not going like you think it should that you’ll tell me so I can get out of the way, or better yet put me to work to help like I should. I won’t want to step into places not wanted, but I want to help and be busy as much as I can.


I pray that you’ll accept a piece of my heart and hope that you’ll be able to share your’s with me too. I’m praying that God blesses you with children and that you’ll give me the opportunity to be grandmamma too. To help shape and mold more precious souls will be better than treasure untold.


I’m praying that as you approach the teen years that you’ll guard your soul from all sexual sin. I know that it’s hard, but with God’s help I know you can do it! We’ll be encouraging that same behavior from your future husband as well.


Much love to the future daughter of my heart,
Mama Moore


Pro 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.

Our First Christmas

When I think back to some of my most favorite Christmases as a teenager and a young new wife, it was those Christmases that the money was tight that were the most special. I guess when we look back at our very first Christmas, money always seemed to be in such short supply, but we were so incredibly rich in love.

We decided we were going to have a tree (even if there were no gifts to put under it). This was the year, we lived in the green house on Green Street in Wetumpka. One of the things we had seen advertised was the Wadsworth Christmas Tree Farm (it’s still in operation by the way). My favorite thing about this Farm is you get to walk around, pick out your tree, and cut it down. We went out to get our tree the Saturday after Thanksgiving and enjoyed making a day of it. My sweetheart actually had a 4 day weekend, and decided that we needed the time together instead of him doing some side work. (Love his heart, those first 4 years of our marriage while I was in school, it seemed all he did was work just so we could keep a float.) So, we walked and walked until we found a tree that would be in our price range and was just right. We had a wonderful day and I held the tree while Rich cut her down.

I enjoyed watching him tote the tree back up to the front of the farm where they got it ready for us to take home. I loved watching them shake all the extra pine needles out and then slipping it through a “thing-a-ma-jig” that put the tree in a net and made the drive home easier with the tree strapped to the top of the car. We got her home and in the tree stand (which by the way we didn’t even think about needing until we got to the Tree Farm) and realized that we had spent all our Christmas money on just the tree and the stand. For the first few days we just enjoyed seeing the tree up and the wonderful smell that permeated the house.

Our family had decided not to exchange gifts that year, but to exchange homemade Christmas cards. After exams and selling my books back, I had the money to buy construction paper, markers, glue, envelopes, and stamps. Those homemade cards got put in the mail and were sent to Grandmamma Lyle’s house in time for Christmas. I also had enough paper, ect. To make Christmas “ornaments” for the tree. We had teddy bears in pairs holding hands all over the tree. We’ve talked about it and we can’t remember for sure if we actually had lights on the tree or not. We’re pretty sure we didn’t but there were lights in our heart.

When Rich got his Christmas bonus, we went out and spent more money on groceries than we had in a long time and then realized we had a little money left for the ornament we wanted that had “First Christmas” engraved on it. We went to the mall and looked around and finally found an ornament in our price range with a little money left over. We had just about $3.00 left to spend, so we made a trip to the Dollar Store with the agreement that we would take turns shopping for each other and we’d have a surprise under the tree. When you have just a little more than a $1 to spend, you have to get creative. So we took our treasures home and wrapped them and put them under the tree. It always makes me smile, we I think about those gifts…Rich got me some tissues in a pretty little box to put in my purse, and I got him a ribbon that said #1 Husband. The best gift was that my sweetheart wore that ribbon to church on Sunday and my tissues were in my purse. It wasn’t about the stuff, it was about the LOVE.

Every year we put that first store bought ornament on the tree and we put the teddies on branches of the tree. Rhey’ve gotten a little ragged, but we’ve laminated them and Lord willing my grandbabies will still see the teddies on Grandmama’s tree. I’m hoping they teach the lesson of just how important LOVE is and not all the stuff. My little man listened as I told him the teddies’ story this year and his smile warmed my heart. We don’t have them on the tree this year, but they’re standing guard over the Christmas cards.

So, Merry Christmas, sweet friends and may your holidays be filled with friends and family and joy and love. May you drink from the saucer because your cup is full!

22 Years of Marriage

Tomorrow is my 22nd wedding anniversary, and this week for the first time since we became parents, we’ve had time with just the two of us (that wasn’t wrapped up around trips to see the dr. for the headache). When my little man was asked what Mama and Daddy would be doing while he was gone to camp was, “There going to Honeymoon.” I love that answer! We only spent one night away from home, and then came home and enjoyed having the house to ourselves. It’s been such a blessing to have the time to spend just concentrating on each other and finding out that we love each other more deeply than we ever believed possible.
There are so many precious memories that come with our anniversary. The craziness of the morning, getting everything ready to get to the church on time. Leaving the house with my hair in rollers and getting to the building and getting ready. It’s wonderful how strong certain memories stand out from that day. I remember, Grandmamma Lyles coming in the bathroom and drawing in her breath telling me how beautiful I looked and giving me some wonderful advice that I’ve shared with you before. I remember handing Jenny, Richie’s ring to hold onto until just the right time in the ceremony. Family pictures being made before the Wedding. Scott McCown asking us about how we wanted I Cor. 13 read with love or charity, and bless his heart I was so nervous I didn’t listen closely to just what he asked and told him to read it the way it was written (I’d forgotten the Bible we gave him to use was old King James, so instead of love he read charity just like I told him too.); and that makes me smile. My Daddy holding my hand just before walking me down the aisle telling me, “You don’t have to do this today, I have the car outside waiting and YOUR Mama, will tell all these people there won’t be a wedding today and it will all be okay, or I can walk you down that aisle and give you to Richie and you only get to come home to visit, you are making the decision to marry him and you won’t come home.” (Now if you don’t know my Daddy that may sound harsh, but he was telling me 2 things, I love you and this is a forever choice and I want you to realize just how serious it is.) Remember I’d only been 18 for just 6 days J The beautiful sound of Uncle Ben’s and Aunt Patsy’s voices wafting into the lobby and all around me as Daddy walked me down the aisle and handed me over to my sweetheart all dressed in a white tux with long tails on it (that he pawned his electric guitar ‘s amp for the day before because I wanted him in that tux J) But you’ve heard me talk about my white knight so many times. I love how concerned he was and how careful he was with me as we walked upstairs and downstairs to light the unity candle. The tears of joy the flowed down two young pairs of cheeks as we said our vows. I love that I forgot to get my bouquet back and Jenny was finally happy with me because she got to carry those flowers back up the aisle. I love how my Daddy pulled all the immediate family into a room just off to the side of the auditorium and said a prayer over us asking God to bless and guide us while Scott stood out front inviting friends to stay and celebrate with us in the fellowship hall. I love remembering that I wish the picture taking would hurry up and the laughter of all my new nieces and nephew as the followed us around. I love how my sweetheart, literally swept me off my feet and carried me out to the car, and the “snow white shaving cream” blowing off the car as we drove away. And believe it or not I loved the stanky old smell of sardines on the manifold that we had to stop and take off not more than 3 blocks from the church, and the mustard stain on my dress from stopping at DQ on our way out of town because I was too nervous to eat at the wedding.
So now you know almost all the precious memories of that day. And I’ve gone on and on, and I know if you’re still reading at this point you love us and that makes the day even more blessed. The road we have traveled has not always been an easy one, but it has made us who we are today, and I’m so thankful God sent me My Sweet White Knight when he did and for the friend he gave me to share life’s ups and downs with. I love you James Richard Moore more than I ever thought possible, and once again I’m drinking from the saucer because my cup is overflowing!