The Hem of His Garment

Matt. 9:20 And suddenly, a woman who had a flow of blood for twelve years came from behind and touched the hem of His garment. 21 For she said to herself, “If only I may touch His garment, I shall be made well.” 22 But Jesus turned around, and when He saw her He said, “Be of good cheer, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And the woman was made well from that hour.

I've spent a lot of time in this passage that talks about the woman with an issue of blood and how she had spent all that she had to find a way to stop it. I identify with her because over the past 16 years as a family, both immediate and extended, we've spent lots of money searching for the cause of my headache. But finances are not what draw me to this passage over and over again. It's the faith of this women and her incredible courage. According to Jewish law and tradition, she had spent the last 12 years of her life unclean, that also meant that anything she came in contact with or anyone who touched her was unclean as well. Those people who chose to maintain contact with her knew that they would be unclean until evening after visiting with her. How incredibly alone she must have felt! Women in general were not to even look men in the eye when out in public let alone talk with them. Yet she had heard about the Master and decided to take the leap of faith and work her way through a crowd that was so thick around Jesus that his apostles wondered why He would ask who touched Him when she touched the hem of His garment.

She was willing to risk everything for the chance to be close to Jesus. How tired she must have been just moving about on a regular basis considering she had dealt with an issue of blood for 12 years. I can imagine that it took all the strength she had to be a part of that crowd and work her way to the Master. Her faith was so great that she didn't feel like she had to talk to Jesus. I imagine after spending 12 years in an unclean state she didn't even feel worthy enough for Him to lay eyes on her. Yet she knew that He had healed so many and the opportunity was one she could not pass up. In my mind's eye, I see her as the Savior turns to her and asks who touched Him. She probably wished the earth would open up and swallow her right then and there. Yet she was brave enough to admit that it had been her that touched Him. I can only imagine what joy she felt when the Savior told her that not only was she healed, but she was forgiven of her sins and she was made clean. For 12 years she spent her life living on the fringes of Jewish society because of the laws that dealt with having an issue of blood. Now she could reenter society. She would once again be clean and able to worship in the temple.( Imagine 12 years without the fellowship of the brethren.) The place where we draw our greatest source of strength, she had been denied for 12 years.

With just a few words, Jesus changed her whole life and made her clean. This is the freedom we read of in Hebrews, that the blood of Christ has cleansed us once and for all and so long as we strive to do His will His blood continues to cleanse us. We can do away with the self-doubt, the self recrimination, and the questioning of our faith. Jesus has allowed us to not only touch the hem of His garment, but to place our fingers in his nail scarred hands and the gash in his side. What a blessing to no longer worry if we have offered the right sacrifice in the right way, because He was the ultimate sacrifice.
We also can see from Matt 14: 35 (And when the men of that place recognized Him, they sent out into all that surrounding region, brought to Him all who were sick, 36 and begged Him that they might only touch the hem of His garment. And as many as touched it were made perfectly well.)and
Mark 6: 56 (Wherever He entered, into villages, cities, or the country, they laid the sick in the marketplaces, and begged Him that they might just touch the hem of His garment. And as many as touched Him were made well.) that she set an example that other's followed. In her courage and faith, she gave others another way to contact the healing powers of Christ. In the hardest of times, God promises us that He will use all the things in our life for good. How encouraging that thought is!

So I can rest in a safe assurance of knowing that my headache is not something I suffer because of a lack of faith, a sin I've commited that is unforgiveable(there is no such sin) but that it is a part of the human condition and the fact that because of sin pain and suffering are a part of this world. I can know that as long as I hang onto the Father, He'll not let me fall and that He will find away to make all this world's pain work together for good. When we" touch" the hem of His garment, we won't receive a miraculous healing like the women with the issue of blood, but we can know we will spend an eternity with Him where there is no pain, tears, or loss.

What's It Feel Like

It's been a very long time since I've written specifically about what it's like to live with this ugly old headache. I don't want this to be a "whining post" or an "old poor me type post"; however I do believe that to really know me now, you must know what is going on in my head. So here we go, I'll do my best to put into words what the headache feels like.

To begin with since the pain is constant, there is always some type of background noise in my head. Many times it's just the constant throbbing of the pain (those are the good days). Other times, it feels and sounds like a stake being pounded from the back of my head to the front. With that comes the light and noise sensitivity, most days normal inside lighting feels like the bright sunshine in the middle of the day. If we go outside or places with brighter lighting it's like having all the lights in the football stadium on and shining directly into my eyes. I have some people who have not seen my eyes and on the off chance they see me without sunglasses some of them don't even recognize. There are times that even in the dark the headache itself has a light show that goes on even when my eyes are closed. It's painful and draining simply to deal with just that part. Then you add to that the noise sensitivity. Repetitive noises, squeals, and high pitched sounds are the hardest, but there are also times when just the sounds of a room full of people talking feels like it's being put through a megaphone. Sometimes out of nowhere even small sounds can feel like they come through an air horn.

I know that I am guilty of snapping at people during times when I'm dealing with both sets the noise and the light. It's a knee jerk reaction like yelling “Ouch” when someone steps on your toes. Over the years, my sweetheart has been the one to sit and watch me cry after pushing to be out and about. He is forever my protector and will work to prevent this amount of extra pain when he can. There have been many times when I'm sure people have found us to be very rude, because in stereo we will express displeasure if the noises is one that isn't necessary.
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For this reason, it has to be a good day for us to choose to eat out. If the restaurant is one that is full or one that noises bounce off the walls, it becomes even harder. When I was teaching school the lunchroom was the hardest place to be, now it's usually the fellowship hall at church. I want to be a part of family gatherings, church dinners, and conversation before and after church. I will push to the point of needing to make a trip to the ER(which doesn't work for me and is a complete waste of time, but that's how ugly the pain is). There are times when the pain in my head is soo loud I feel like I have to yell over it. There have been times when I wanted to stand in a chair and yell “Shut up” from the top of my lungs. I've learned how not to do just that, but I may leave quickly after services or in the middle of a meal. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be a part of things or that I want to stop all the wonderful visiting and fellowship, so I leave. If my sweetheart sees me leave, he follows relatively quickly and we take home a very disappointed little boy.

I'm not saying all of this to hinder those I love from making a joyful noise when they are together. I just want you to know that I'm not mad or don't want to spend time with you, it's just that I've reached my capacity for handling it all.

As always, it is my prayer that my words are kind and my disposition sweet, but on those days when I fail I ask that you take the above into consideration and forgive me. Many thanks to all. Please keep us in your prayers. There are many times when our plans have to change at the last minute and I'm home alone. It is during these times when the devil tries to work on my faithfulness. Your prayers are coveted. Thanks for reading.

Please Heal Me

I wrote this song about 2 months ago. It was one of those rare moments when it all just seemed to flow. It's still a little rough and there are few little things I am waiting to change, but it also feels like its time to share it. I've tried to add a link for the melody, but I haven't had any luck getting my program to work. I'm ready to share the lyrics and we'll pray I can come back later with a link to how I hear it in my head. The fight with the headache and sin in general are ever present. Hoping this helps someone else as much as it's helped me. P.S. Remember, I'm sharing the depths of my heart with you. May God bless all of us with healing.


Please, Heal Me by Samantha Moore

Father, hear my plea
I'm tired and I long for thee.
This life is hard,
It's full of pain
But I have faith, you'll come again.

Chorus:
I have faith.
You are strong.
Heal this heart,
Make me whole.
Just let me touch the hem of your robe, Lord.
Please heal me.

The days move on, the nights are long.
My heart is full of hurt again.
Please Lord, listen to me.
Dry my tears and let me sing.

Chorus:
I have faith.
You are strong.
Heal this heart,
Make me whole.
Just let me touch the hem of your robe, Lord.
Please heal me.

My Sins are many,
Your love is great.
I want to walk with you each day.
I long for you, the rest you bring.
Precious Lord, forgive me.

Chorus:
I have faith.
You are strong.
Heal this heart,
Make me whole.
Just let me touch the hem of your robe, Lord.
Please heal me.

I'll Shout your praises,
Sweet, Sweet Savior
Even when this soul feels torn.
You've made me your 's
Savior hear my song.
Make my your will my own.

Chorus:
I have faith.
You are strong.
Heal this heart,
Make me whole.
Just let me touch the hem of your robe, Lord.
Please heal me.

Oh, help me, Lord,
To keep my eyes on you.
Please let me in this crowded world,
To just hold onto the hem of your robe.
For I know you are my way home.

Chorus:
I have faith.
You are strong.
Heal this heart,
Make me whole.
Just let me touch the hem of your robe, Lord.
Please heal me.