Headache History and Pride

Wow! The summer is over and school is back in session and all the writing I had planned to do…just didn’t get done. We were blessed to complete our second full year of home schooling, run the Fun Run part of Agape’s Run for a Mom, send little man off to camp for a week, see some sweet friends that we haven’t seen in forever, completed 4 weeks of swimming lessons, and last but not least went to Art and Science classes at our local hardware store for an hour each Wednesday and Thursday. The best part is the headache cooperated and I was able to do the chauffeuring.

Praise God for the new medicine combo I’m on now, I can actually handle traveling a couple of hours without having to go to bed once I get there. So things are looking better pain wise for us too J Instead of living with the level 9 or 10 , it now stays around the 7 or 8 level. We do deal with spikes up further than that, but we are also blessed with short periods of time with it lower too. It’s been a long time since I’ve really spent anytime sharing the pain battle and why I use the word we when I talk about it. When one person in the family deals with chronic pain, then the whole family does. Our schedules, the lighting in our home, laundry getting done, and how we play are all determined by the headache.

One of the hardest things, I’ve had to come to grips with is that the migraine does put limits on what I can do. It also, along with the meds, affects my ability to say what I want to say when I want to say it. One of the meds has turned off the filter in my head…you know the one that says don’t talk about that you can hurt someone’s feelings…or hey shut your mouth for a few minutes and listen to what the other person has to say. It also has made me more grouchy and I get frustrated much quicker than I normally do. These side effects are not new to us, we had tried a med combo very much like the present one but one of the meds caused even more cognitive and behavioral “glitches”.

Needless to say the 2003-04, school year was a difficult one. I think I was going through just as many mood swings as my 7th graders. Pride can be a terrible thing, I kept most of the struggle to myself. (Pro 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall.)My sweetheart was running two small business and we had an infant/toddler in the house who got all of our “extra” attention. In fact, I had been dealing with quite a bit of paranoia and irrational anger that I was able to keep the lid on at home and for the most part at school. However, I found myself becoming more and more out spoken and I couldn’t seem to put the brakes on my mouth. Here’s where the pride thing comes into play, because I have always considered myself to be a peacemaker. I could put my feelings on the back burner and deal with the situation at hand and it was really no big deal. Well, it became a big deal. I now know that many chronic headache patients on Topamax deal with these changes..it’s been labeled dope-amax on the Head pain sites by patients and many of them dealt with swift changes in mood that ultimately lead to their being fired or even for some led to divorce. In my case, my contract wasn’t renewed. I can look back and see why. But maybe…just maybe if I hadn’t let my pride get in the way things may not have happened the way they did.

I’ll say this, it’s a scary thing to not be in control of your emotions when you’re used to being in control. Learning that I have no real control is another lesson the headache has taught me the hard way. It has literally brought me to my knees, pleading in prayer for the pain to end. (If you happen to be one of those who believes that my faith is just not strong enough and I’m not praying in faith ..,yes I’ve heard this before…then I suggest you need to take a look at the life of Paul and God’s response to his begging for the thorn in the flesh to be removed.) I now understand there is no me, there is only God and His power working in me. (2 Cor. 12:9 but he told me, “My grace is enough for you, because strength reaches completion in weakness.“ I will therefore boast in my weakness most gladly, so that Christ’s strength will remain upon me.) If it were just me, I would have taken my life a good 10 years ago while going through withdrawal from prescription meds that I was taking as prescribed.

It was another point of pride with me that I was able to finish college with good grades while being married and be labeled as the world thinks “smart”. It becomes very humbling when you realizes that people can’t understand what you’ve said either because the migraine has words coming out in a jumble you don’t intend, the words are so slurred it sounds like you’re drunk, or you know what you want to say but cannot get the words to come out of your mouth. On top of this, my eye would droop or twitch for no reason, my mouth would pull down on one edge, and the act of brushing my hair would actually hurt. So here I am teaching, high school math, to teenagers with all this going on; and they are looking at me like I’m the side show. But my pride kept me from mentioning that I felt like someone was watching me always, and that every step I took was painful…let alone that my teeth were beginning to break if I ate anything remotely hard.

So, we get to the last 2 or 3 weeks of school, they tell me they aren’t going to renew my contract…and all I can see is how are we going to keep the insurance going in all this mess…and I better go see about every little thing between now and September. I found out that afternoon I had stress fractures in both heels thanks to the med. Combo and no teaching position to go to for the next year. Actually we sat and cried together and I finally let my sweetheart know to what extent I was dealing with the paranoia and anger. We prayed and as always God provided just what we needed. Not just job wise, but for our marriage as well. He gave us the quiet before the storm to help us charge our batteries, and He put good friends close by that we could lean on even in the hardest of times.

I’d love to say that we no longer deal with pain every day. I do. I also know that the med combo I’m on now is very close to the one we dealt with that school year. So I deal with glitches in speech, I get grouchy easy, but so far we’ve been able to manage it. I want the people I know and love to know where I’m coming from and instead of trying to hide any issues this go round… I’d much rather they be out on the table so we can stop them if they get ugly.

I’m a firm believer in the fact that God will work out all things for good for those that love Him.(Romans 8:28 We know that to them who love God, the ones called according to his purpose, God works all things together for good;) Notice he doesn’t promise the way will be easy and good, but that he will use all those things in our life for good. Finally, my prayer for myself and you is that we will take the hard times…those moments when we feel like God has turned His back on us…and know that He is refining us and using us so that through our weakness others may see His strength. (1Peter 1:7 Your faith (which is more precious than gold which perishes, being proved by fire) has been tested that you might be found in praise and glory and honor at the disclosure of Jesus Christ.)

N.T. scriptures are quoted from McCord’s New Testament Translation of the Everlasting Gospel. O.T. scriptures are quoted from the NKJV.

Marriage and Mary and Martha

“Whose that old fella you’ve got hanging around with you?” It’s a question some of the sweet older gentleman at church ask me. I know what my response is supposed to be…in fact I know what it used to be. “Just some old fella I picked up on the side of the road and decided to keep around.” Well, I’ve decided to change that up some because would I want my sweetheart to answer the question that way?! No! In fact, my feelings would get hurt.
It’s so easy for us to get caught up in the negative. James3:17-18 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. The young girl, my sweetheart dated would not have said anything negative about the love of her life, let alone allow someone else to. What changes when we get married and have that ring on our finger? Why do we feel like we no longer have to work to please the sweet man who makes us swoon? (smile, wink) Do you remember that first year of marriage, when if dinner didn’t turn out just right you would sit down and cry; and bless his heart, he would try to eat whatever it was you fixed because he couldn’t stand the tears.
The gentleness and the mercy were hard at work back then. What about those dirty socks that would be piled up beside his chair or the empty glasses that never made it back to the kitchen? Did you happily carry those to the proper place and be thankful that you were the wife and keeper at home. Do those same things irritate you now? I have to be honest there are days it does; and love his heart, he’ll come home from work to a foul tempered wife and have no idea what happened between when he left for work and when he got home. So I’m sowing seeds of discontent instead of peace and the fruit I’ll reap won’t be peace.
I’m going to say something that some of you may not agree with, but it’s not your sweetheart’s job to make you happy. His God given job is to love you. Colosians3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Ephesians5:28-29 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. Happiness and contentment are a state of mind. You can have the most attentive husband, the nicest house, the perfect children, and the newest car and still not be happy. Choose your friends wisely. If your girlfriends complain about their husbands, it’ll be easy to follow the crowd. Decide that the only person you can change in your marriage is yourself, and quit trying to change your sweetheart. Remember that you can catch more flies with honey, put your claws away and heap on the sugar.
The best piece of advice on marriage, I received from my Grandmama on my wedding day…”Love doesn’t just happen, it’s a decision you make every morning when you get up.”Titus2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. There will be times in your marriage when you may not like your husband, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to pack up and leave. It means, it’s time to get busy working on what needs to be fixed. Do you feel like you don’t know him anymore? By the time he walks in from work are you so tired that you want to dump the problems of the day in his lap…and then wonder why he spends more time at the gym, track, hobby, or work? (This is the one I struggle with. I’m blessed with the fact that my sweetheart gets to come home for lunch. I noticed he started cutting his lunch short. I needed to make that time at home more pleasant.) Proverbs 21:9 Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. We know what pleases our sweethearts and what doesn’t. (O.K., sweet ladies, I hear you, I’m doing all the work and my husband doesn’t even try, so I don’t think I should have to try anymore. Sorry, wrong, you choose to marry this fella and so long as you stay married to him you are commanded to love him…not lust, but agape love. The kind of love Christ has for us, the kind that put the sinless son of God on the cross as the sacrifice for our sins.) So, Let’s decide to be happy and content. I’m not going to compare my marriage, family, home, etc. with anything but the Bible. If I do that then, I’ll have more than enough to keep me busy working on changing me.
God made our husbands sensual creatures, and I know that when we have newborns, toddlers, teenagers with schedules that don’t seem to ever quit, and in my case chronic pain sex is very often the last thing on my mind. Trust me, even when your sweetheart is tired, it’s on his mind. If you have small children a scheduled bedtime is important because that’s mama and daddy time (be careful not to use this time to plug into FB) even if you’re too tired to do anything but sit on the couch and hold hands that touch is important. Wear clothes you know he likes, even when they may not be the most comfortable “mommy clothes”. Find small ways to touch him intimately during the day. You’ll find that this will help you warm up and be ready for intimacy.
Finally, the hardest thing of all is choosing between several good things. I love the story of Mary and Martha, because I’m a Martha. I find myself getting caught up in the details. Luke 10:40-42 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me." And Jesus answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. "But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her." It’s so easy for us to get caught up with the projects at home, at church, in the community, and with school. In and of themselves none of these are wrong, but are we allowing ourselves to become worried and troubled in the process. Do we get so busy with wanting things to be just right at home and school that we lose sight of why it’s important to us to begin with? Is our work in the community pulling us away from our family so that they don’t see us? Do we get so busy caring for the souls of other families that we’re not sure where the souls of our family members stand? We must be careful not to use our children as an excuse not to go to the nursing home, gospel meetings, or Bible studies; however, we must be certain that we are caring for those souls that God has given us direct care of in our home.

So now do you want to know how I’ve changed my answer to the question at the beginning of the article? I pull my sweetheart back over, and I say, “Insert Name, Look into those eyes, don’t you see the ocean when you look into his beautiful eyes! Every time I look into those eyes, I fall in love all over again!” Guess what ladies, it’s true. It gets better and better. My sweetheart still opens my door for me everywhere, we hold hands whenever possible, and at the end of the day while we watch T.V. he puts his head in my lap and I play with his hair or rub his back. I love this man, we’ve had some rough times and I’m sure there will be more…that’s life…but you decide that no matter what you don’t have an out. The “D” word is not in your vocabulary. The best part about the rough patches is you come out stronger and more in love on the other side….if you decide to. May God help us to be the wives He wants us to be, and may we bring Him glory in all we do.

A Letter to My Future Daughter In Law

This is a blog I've had written for almost 2 weeks on paper, but with the crazziness of the end of school and the special plans surrounding Mother's Day and Gotcha Day...I'm only just getting this typed up. I'll have more to come next week about Mother's Day and Gotcha Day celebrations this year. Right now, it's all so close to my heart it's just hard to share.


Our family has had some pretty big birthday's this year, and they are all reminding me that before I can even blink my precious boy will be driving, then graduating from high school, and then college, and Marriage. OK, so I'm getting a head of myself, but he does turn 10 this October, and I know that my time with him is limited. So I thought I would share with you some of what goes on in my head when the headache doesn't allow me to sleep.


To My Future Daughter-in-Law,


This has been my favorite time of year with Mother’s Day and Gotcha Day so close together. I’ve been praying for you since Samuel came home from the hospital with us, and for your parents too!


My prayer has been and will continue to be that you are being raised in a home where God comes first, that you’re learning about God’s plan for marriage by watching your mama and daddy, and that you have a love for others and doing what’s right. We’re working hard to raise a Godly gentleman. A man who stands strong in his convictions, yet has a tender heart easily touched by the needs of others, along with the desire to serve God in all things.


He’s a perfectionist and stubborn (just like his daddy). Those are traits that will make you proud at times and crazy at others. Lord willing, you will have a husband who will open your doors, hold your hand, and above all lead your family to heaven.


At the time of this writing, your future husband is an only child. As a family, we have longed to have it grow and you just may be the answer to that prayer. I know there is no one like mama, but I hope to call you daughter. You see, I’ve been praying for me too. It’s my prayer, you’ll look forward to seeing me, that God will give me the words to encourage and not to tear down. I hope that when something’s not going like you think it should that you’ll tell me so I can get out of the way, or better yet put me to work to help like I should. I won’t want to step into places not wanted, but I want to help and be busy as much as I can.


I pray that you’ll accept a piece of my heart and hope that you’ll be able to share your’s with me too. I’m praying that God blesses you with children and that you’ll give me the opportunity to be grandmamma too. To help shape and mold more precious souls will be better than treasure untold.


I’m praying that as you approach the teen years that you’ll guard your soul from all sexual sin. I know that it’s hard, but with God’s help I know you can do it! We’ll be encouraging that same behavior from your future husband as well.


Much love to the future daughter of my heart,
Mama Moore


Pro 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.

I'm Painting Souls Today

I’m Painting Souls Today

Help me hold the paint brush Lord
I’m painting souls today.
The snuggles of this precious babe
Are the soft sweet colors that make the light shine
On this precious piece of art that you've made mine.

Help me choose the colors Lord
To show this toddler of mine
That while he wants to paint in reds and dominate this time,
Give me words that form bold straight lines,
So he can know what I expect.

Help me choose the tools Lord
That scrape away the stains.
Father guide me as I choose which traits,
To help make the way more clear,
This little boy is changing fast and needs me as a guide.

Help me choose the colors Lord
To paint this gangly youth.
Once again he wants to paint in reds as he stubbornly holds the line.
Guide me with sweet words of wisdom
That a sunset we can paint.

Help me hold the paint brush Lord
I’m painting souls today.
The wee babe I painted in gentle hues has almost become a man.
Father guide my hand as I paint the lines,
May they be bold and straight and softened by your love.

Father my part is almost through,
The painting of this precious soul will soon be his to do.
Help the foundation colors and the lines I’ve helped to form,
Become the portrait you desire to see as he grows up and leaves.
Father may he reflect the light of all your love and glory.

I know that God is the creator of souls and the choices that we make determine who we reflect. Do we show Christ to the world or do we show it’s evil? As Mamas, God has given us the task to train and raise our children.
Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Eph 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
God is the Master Painter…the Master Designer and we need to open our hearts and engage our children so that they may be open to the plans of the Master Designer.
Isa. 64:8 But now, O LORD, You [are] our Father; We [are] the clay, and You our potter; And all we [are] the work of Your hand.
Rom 9:20 But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed [it], "Why have you made me like this?" :21 Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make

Father, please be with us as mamas and help us to say and do those things that will bring our children to you.
Samantha Moore

What does God look like?

I've been wanting to sit down and write for so long and I've had many things I've wanted to share, but once again the headache has been my enemy. So the following is something that I've been working on for a while and I'm finally ready to share it. Someday, I hope to put it in book form and at least read it to my grandbabies. I've been house bound for most of the winter and I'm praying that God will take this mean ol' thing away, but if it must be endured I pray it will at least let me attend worship services, Lads to Leaders convention, and some baseball games. We covet your prayers! Our family lives with the headache and we each have things we don't enjoy because of it. I love hearing my sweet boy pray for it to go away every night, and we've learned many lessons from it. But we'd love a "YES" here and now instead of later. God sees the big picture and holds the blueprints for our home, so we will wait in faith for his answer. Now that I've done my usual ramble here's the reason I'm posting tonight.

What Does God Look Like?

“Mama, what does God look like?“ Asked the sweetest pair of big brown eyes.
Well I’d have to say He looks like love.
But Mama I can’t see love, so I can’t see God.
“Hmm, my sweet boy, let’s sit and think…Do I love you?
Oh, silly Mama, of course you do!
Ok, precious you know I love you, but just how do you see that love?

When I’ve been running and I trip and fall, your sugars fix it all. You clean it all up, and put on the bandaid, and then you hug me and say it’ll be okay.

Very good, my little man, are there other ways to know I love you?
You fix me my food and bring home my favorite snacks.

You make sure to clear the monsters from under the bed and out of the closet after prayers are said.
I think you’ve got the idea now… love and God are not people to “see”, but I know they are just as real as you and me.

God’s love is so great that it covers us up…just like when you have a nightmare and snuggle in with us. He makes sure we’re safe and holds us close to his heart. He kisses away all the tears and our fears.

His love for us is so very special because He shared His son to bear all our troubles. He sent Jesus so that one special day, we can go live with Him in His mansion in heaven.

God’s love is so great there’s nothing you can ever do to separate yourself from the one who made you. If you ever think you’ve done something to cause Him to leave, just tell Him your sorry and He’ll forgive you, just like Mama and Daddy do.

Mama, just how big is God’s love…does He have enough to share with us all? My sweet boy his love is wide and so tall, so long and so deep it will never run out. His love is like the ocean when we go to the beach…it seems to go on and on without any end.

God’s love is so great that He wants you to be safe forever and always, so He sent His son Jesus to live here on earth. To teach us to love and to serve others and Him.

But Mama, I was listening to what the preacher said today…He said they killed Jesus and He was raised again. He lives in Heaven with God once more.

Those sweet little eyes were overflowing with tears, you see he’d been listening even closer still. Mama, he cried, I want to be safe…I want to go to heaven and I want to be His!

Now tears are pouring down a pair of faces, and he buries his face in my neck, and I promise him that he is safe that little children have nothing to worry about. God’s love surrounds you and He won’t go away.

But Mama, I love Him and I’ve been telling my friends, can’t I get baptized just like you! Sweet boy, when you can tell me His plan for you and what you must do, to tell me what sins you need forgiven too…I promise you that special day, your daddy will take your hand in his and ask you the question that will change your life. Then on that day, you’ll see God’s love as you never seen it before…and you’ll want to share Him now even more.

But the very best part of God’s love is knowing from that moment on you’re not ever alone, and your best friend Jesus is always going to be there to help you through the hardest of times here. He’ll keep your soul safe, if you’ll let him lead…like walking in daddy’s footprints at the beach.

Our First Christmas

When I think back to some of my most favorite Christmases as a teenager and a young new wife, it was those Christmases that the money was tight that were the most special. I guess when we look back at our very first Christmas, money always seemed to be in such short supply, but we were so incredibly rich in love.

We decided we were going to have a tree (even if there were no gifts to put under it). This was the year, we lived in the green house on Green Street in Wetumpka. One of the things we had seen advertised was the Wadsworth Christmas Tree Farm (it’s still in operation by the way). My favorite thing about this Farm is you get to walk around, pick out your tree, and cut it down. We went out to get our tree the Saturday after Thanksgiving and enjoyed making a day of it. My sweetheart actually had a 4 day weekend, and decided that we needed the time together instead of him doing some side work. (Love his heart, those first 4 years of our marriage while I was in school, it seemed all he did was work just so we could keep a float.) So, we walked and walked until we found a tree that would be in our price range and was just right. We had a wonderful day and I held the tree while Rich cut her down.

I enjoyed watching him tote the tree back up to the front of the farm where they got it ready for us to take home. I loved watching them shake all the extra pine needles out and then slipping it through a “thing-a-ma-jig” that put the tree in a net and made the drive home easier with the tree strapped to the top of the car. We got her home and in the tree stand (which by the way we didn’t even think about needing until we got to the Tree Farm) and realized that we had spent all our Christmas money on just the tree and the stand. For the first few days we just enjoyed seeing the tree up and the wonderful smell that permeated the house.

Our family had decided not to exchange gifts that year, but to exchange homemade Christmas cards. After exams and selling my books back, I had the money to buy construction paper, markers, glue, envelopes, and stamps. Those homemade cards got put in the mail and were sent to Grandmamma Lyle’s house in time for Christmas. I also had enough paper, ect. To make Christmas “ornaments” for the tree. We had teddy bears in pairs holding hands all over the tree. We’ve talked about it and we can’t remember for sure if we actually had lights on the tree or not. We’re pretty sure we didn’t but there were lights in our heart.

When Rich got his Christmas bonus, we went out and spent more money on groceries than we had in a long time and then realized we had a little money left for the ornament we wanted that had “First Christmas” engraved on it. We went to the mall and looked around and finally found an ornament in our price range with a little money left over. We had just about $3.00 left to spend, so we made a trip to the Dollar Store with the agreement that we would take turns shopping for each other and we’d have a surprise under the tree. When you have just a little more than a $1 to spend, you have to get creative. So we took our treasures home and wrapped them and put them under the tree. It always makes me smile, we I think about those gifts…Rich got me some tissues in a pretty little box to put in my purse, and I got him a ribbon that said #1 Husband. The best gift was that my sweetheart wore that ribbon to church on Sunday and my tissues were in my purse. It wasn’t about the stuff, it was about the LOVE.

Every year we put that first store bought ornament on the tree and we put the teddies on branches of the tree. Rhey’ve gotten a little ragged, but we’ve laminated them and Lord willing my grandbabies will still see the teddies on Grandmama’s tree. I’m hoping they teach the lesson of just how important LOVE is and not all the stuff. My little man listened as I told him the teddies’ story this year and his smile warmed my heart. We don’t have them on the tree this year, but they’re standing guard over the Christmas cards.

So, Merry Christmas, sweet friends and may your holidays be filled with friends and family and joy and love. May you drink from the saucer because your cup is full!

A Tender Heart

I’m so thankful for the gift God gave me in my sweet boy! Since the last time I updated my blog my baby has become my brother in Christ. His sweet heart broke in the telling us of his need for baptism, and the hour long discussion he had with daddy to insure that he knew the why and need for baptism touched me more deeply than just about anything since we brought him home. One of my sweet red heads was also baptized that day, so my heart was so full of joy that at first there were no words. (I know sweet friends that that is hard to believe.) We were blessed with both sets of grands and Aunt Nancy getting to come in for his rebirth. I love knowing that I’m part of a family that will make an hour and a half drive one way to see my sweet boy start a new part of his life. I’m thankful that both sets of Grand’s now strive to walk daily with the Father and that my boy has their example. I’m also very thankful for the precious men (and their wives) who care for our souls at church and that they and a few other precious folks took their Friday night and came to witness his rebirth and celebrate with us.

I am one very blessed lady! Over and over again, God shows me His grace and mercy through the tender heart of my son. He and I have ridden an emotional roller coaster today, and it’s a ride I’m thankful to have ridden with him. One of the first things, I saw this morning when checking my FB page was a picture of a sweet baby boy with the caption “Forever Family”. Since this is a topic so dear to my heart, I took the time to follow the link. My boy came up behind me and saw the picture and asked who the baby was (we have many friends with brand new little ones right now). I told him I didn’t know who this baby was but that he needed a forever family. I took the time to point out (with tears in my eyes) that this sweet baby is missing one arm and one foot with some other possible physical problems. The adoption agency has no one who is already on their list ready to adopt a child with his special needs. My sweet boy said, “Mama, I know where he has a forever family! I’ll help take care of him and he can sleep in my bed.” My Mama’s heart was so full with his immediate acceptance and desire to care and love for this baby. I had to make myself have the very serious talk that IF (God were to choose us for his forever family) that this new baby would need lots of help and love and very possibly in the future if mama and daddy weren’t able to take care of this little one as an adult, my sweet boy would be the caretaker. I know that this is a lot to talk with a 9 year old about, but he quickly said I’ll take care of him if he’s my brother. So, I’ve e-mailed the agency and we’ll wait to hear something. It’s possible that he may already have a home.

After lunch, my sweet boy said, “ I could have a brother!” , as he was grinning ear to ear. I quickly told him we have to be careful, to not get excited, we just may not be the answer for this sweet wee one. My boy’s precious heart broke. He cried and cried and climbed into my lap and cried some more. I’m so thankful for the gift of the Holy Spirit that comes with salvation. I was able to tell my baby that when we don’t know just what to say the Holy Spirit says it for us. Even when we want something so much and don’t begin to know how to ask, the Holy Spirit takes what is in our hearts and presents it to the Father. We took this time to remember the three answers that God gives us: Yes, No, and Wait. We talked about the times we’ve gotten a yes, a no, and a wait and have seen the results of God’s answers in our lives.

I thought for a moment that we were through the worst and could get back to school, but he began to cry again. His heart still breaking for the wanting of a brother. It’s so hard for me to talk about more children because I LONG for more but know that God has the perfect plan. So, I told him one of my favorite poems, “Footprints In The Sand”. We talked of how God is not some far away being, but He’s with us all the time, and that through the Holy Spirit we receive strength and comfort. What comfort there is in knowing that during the hard times, the Father carries us! His sweet heart and eyes filled with tears yet again, and my sweet boy still sprawled on my lap (he is getting almost as tall as I am) snuggled his sweet head into my neck, and we allowed our hearts to pray in our silence. I know we were praying for the baby and for the new treatment plan for the headache that might make it possible for us to adopt again, and I prayed for God to help us with whatever His decision is for our lives.

My sweet boy has taught me how to love and open my heart in ways I didn’t know I could! I’m so thankful he is mine to love and have the privilege of watching him grow. So once again my sweet friends, I’m drinking from the saucer because my cup overflows!!

Mat 19:14 But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
Jam 1:27 Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, [and] to keep oneself unspotted from the world.