A Time of Joy and Anxiety

This time of year always takes me back to September of 2002. It was a time spent bouncing between being full of joy and then filled with anxiety. We were in the time of knowing that we might have a baby coming into our home or our wait could be longer. One of the happiest moments of my life was just a "normal" Tuesday evening in the midst of grading papers, going through the mail, and actually watching some TV with my sweetheart (every other night of our week was filled with church, dojo time, or music). The phone rang and my sweetheart answered the phone. The way he began talking I knew this was no ordinary phone call. I remember sitting in the floor barely able to contain myself and when he said our social workers name, if you could pop with a hundred and one emotions going on, I would have popped that evening. After talking for a while (I'm sure it felt longer than it was), my sweetheart handed me the phone. Some of the most precious words I've ever heard were spoken. "How would you like to meet your birthmother and how do you feel about having a little boy?" The excitement contained in those few words are indescribable.

We made plans to meet her withher social worker and ours. Everyone involved is now in our hearts a part of our forever family. Only a few people knew where we were headed that day. After losing my sister, we couldn't bear the thought of mama and daddy having to deal with the grief that might come with the birthmother changing her mind. The meeting was a precious gift and a dinner with her and her mother another sweet set of memories to share with my little man.

The end of September and the beginning of October were an emotional roller coaster ride. I spent my extra time finishing the painting and decorating the nursery; not to mention writing lesson plans and getting things ready for a sub. Our little man came about 3 weeks early. His birthmother was dealing with a kidney infection along with his tossing and turning. Love her heart, getting here early was a good thing... he weighed just over 7 lbs and was 21 inches long. His little back was still covered with little black hair, and that's how he became our Pooh Bear!

We were blessed by his birthmother's decison to allow us to be there the day he was born. The portayal in movies of anxious father's pacing the waiting room is now a very real picture for us. We were able to see him 45 minutes after delivery. He was so bright eyed and alert. The nurses were still in the process of doing their job, so we were just able to look and talk to him. God's gift to me was as the nurse asked me to move from one side of his crib to the other, he followed me with his eyes. That gift made the waiting so much easier. He was born on a Tuesday and we brought him home on a Friday. We didn't get to see him in between times because his birthmother wanted that time for herself. I'm so glad she did. He never has to wonder why he was put up for adoption and why didn't she want me. He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was wanted and loved by so many people. He knows that he was loved so much that his birthmother wanted him to have a home she was unable to provide at the time. And he knows that mama and daddy had been praying for him since the beginning. He knows that he was chosen and loved by soo many.

This memory always comes back in full strength every Mother's Day. These first steps to getting to celebrate that day are precious to me. It's also a special time because Mother's Day and Gotcha Day fall so closely together. May 13 is our Gotcha Day. The day the law made my little man officially a part of our forever family, and Lord willing my head will feel well enough to share that story on that special day. Lot's of love to all and prayers for God richest blessings on all those who play a special part in the lives of children everywhere.