A Time of Wanting

Last time I added to my blog, I gave our reasons for adoption. But, I guess the biggest reason is the one that is so hard to talk (write) about. It's that deep down desire an ache to hold and love and cherish a child of your own. When I say of your own here I don't mean biologically. Although if I'm completely honest, there is a part of me that still prays and dreams for this headache to go away and that even though I'm already dealing with the power surges of menopause, I'd love to have the experience of carrying a baby. I've told my little man that I didn't carry him under my heart but in it. We've now shortened that and we tell each other that he's my heart and I'm his. When we were preparing for his birth mother's visit last fall. He looked over at me from his seat in the car (It seems to always happen that he asks me some of the most difficult questions riding down the road when my attention needs to be on where we're going) and asked me if his birth mother could be his heart too.
I told him "YES" that one of the best gifts God gives us is our ability to love more than just a few people in our lives. In fact, the more we love it seems the more room we have to love. He was satisfied with that quick answer. I praise God for giving me the right words to say then. So many times I have foot in mouth disease and totally mess up.
Now that you've dealt with my rambling I'll get back to where I was actually headed with this. If I can feel such a strong desire an aching in my soul for a child I've not yet seen but only dream of, I marvel at what our heavenly Father deals with on a daily (eternal) basis, He gives us a choice to join His family. His desire to hold us close to his heart in his heart far out reaches my desire for a baby. Yet He waits... He waits for us to realize we need Him. He waits for us to choose Him as He has already chosen us. How His arms must ache when He watches us make choices that send us further from him instead of closer. Truly He is patient, He wants us to be His. He wants us to step into his arm and accept His love. Yet like in all families, there are steps to take to get there. Here in this world to adopt a child there is the paperwork, the homestudies, the interviews, Dr. check ups, and the fingerprinting. Have we done everything that's required so that we can bring that sweet baby/child into our home. God expects the same from us, we have steps to take to become a part of His eternal family, all must be complete and then we begin to work and love and grow together in God's family knowing He chose us to be His son/daughter. What joy, peace, and love comes from knowing we are chosen.
We know that we are loved with a love so great that our Father was willing to sacrifice His only Son so that we through Christs blood could be adopted into God's eternal family. The joy that comes when all the steps have been taken and the judge bangs his gavel and you know that the child you've been loving and caring for is now a part of your forever family is an awesome thing. But I'm sure that it pales in comparison to the joy that heaven rings with when God's children finally accept and follow the path set before us and become a part of His eternal family!
In adoption, the baby/child has done nothing deserving of the family he/she is placed with. It's the love and desire of the parents that bring him/her into the family. This is God's grace and mercy, I'm not deserving, there are no works I can do to earn my eternal home, yet God's grace His love opens wide the gate and invites me in...I just have to choose to accept His invitation